Stage 4 Cancer? The "Why Box" (Part 1)

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full
well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came
to be. Psalm 139:13-16

Many are asking themselves and God, “WHY?” Why would Angela Winkelmeier who is this young, beautiful, 45-year-old, outstanding woman, foster mother, adoption mother, loyal friend, faithful wife, church member, picture of health, who goes to the gym 5 days a week, moral and upright person get RARE STAGE 4 LEIOMYOSARCOMA CANCER. Everyone who know Angela knows that she is tiny, kind, sweet, humble, outgoing, driven, loving, honest, and reserved! There is not a mean bone in her body. She works hard at serving her family and children. She lives sacrificially as she loves the foster children that come in her home. I’ve seen it firsthand!! (To be honest she will blush and ask me to edit this blog because of her humility. She will tell you first and foremost that the good you see in her life is only because of Jesus.) Because we all know Angela and who she is, how old she is, who she represents, what she does with her life, coupled with the diagnosis and the “world’s prognosis,” we are just in absolute shock and bewilderment. WHY?  Why her?

This short 3 letter word, WHY, has so many answers that there is no way for us to completely and exhaustively answer it!! As I pictured this in my mind, I saw a magician doing his magic act on stage. You’ve all seen it at one point in your life. The act where the magician has a small box and just starts pulling all kind of things out of it, like a rabbit, a ladder, or a kayak. We’re asking ourselves, “Is the box ever going to get empty and where the heck is all this stuff coming from!!” Crazy stuff just keeps coming out of the box and your mind is left perplexed and confused, but in awe and intrigued!!

I think that the question “Why Angela?”, if we start to unpack it, has the same connotation. Big and crazy and things are to be discovered!! We believe that the “why box” is something we will not be able to empty or understand completely on this side of heaven, but we’re already learning some incredible eternal truths through this.

One thing that I did not unpack in my previous blogs what scripture says about God making us; our origin. Angela was knit together in her mother’s womb by God Himself as the scripture above declares. Every cell!! Even the cancer cells!! If he was not in charge of His creation, He would not be God! When someone knits things together, they are very intentional with every count, loop and knot. I don’t know much about knitting, other than when Angela is knitting, she is very focused and intentional. When I’m talking to her while she’s knitting, I often don’t get a response because she is so focused on counting and making the pattern design exactly the way it is, as set before her. Imagine God doing the same thing with each one of us. He is perfectly intentional and purposeful in all he does. Our eye color, hair color, height, personality, and even infirmities are of a Master Designer. The only thing that we cannot give him credit for is our sinfulness. However, He knows this and purposely and intentionally sends His son, Jesus, to take care of that for us!!

I don't think this answers the “why” question, but it does give us a foundation and great comfort when we understand that nothing is by accident, karma, or bad luck and that there is a Master Designer/Knitter who created us, and he is Good!! Psalm 139:13-16 is so comforting when we embrace it! WHY? Because GOD said so!! Because he made us, he will give us the grace to go through this.

We have a lot to pull out of this “Why Box” that will come over time. For a good read on the subject, look back at a blog post I made on August 6, 2010 called “Born with a platform under my feet.”

Today, we need your prayers!! Things have changed as far as chemotherapy. She was originally supposed to be admitted into the hospital last Wednesday, but the Doctor changed things up and wanted to start her on today, outpatient. This is an answer to prayer. Outpatient will be easier because she can still come home, sleep in her own bed, eat her own food and be around a couple of rowdy kids to keep her heart rate up and pumping PURPOSE through her veins!! She will have chemo treatment for the next 4 days and it’s a heavy regiment like before. She had a blood transfusion on Wednesday that really has been an awesome boost to her stamina. 

First Blood Transfusion

We are so grateful for how the church, friends and our  families have really stepped up and helped us. We have people chomping on the bit wanting to help us and we are so grateful with tears!! It has been an overwhelming blessing!!

The best way to help us is to pray:

1)      Angela to be healed.

2)      Angela will have a good experience through this cycle of treatment with no side effects.

3)      No nausea or fatigue.

4)      Main tumor will respond to the chemo and shrink to 6cm, as well as the smaller ones be obliterated.

5)      Docs to have wisdom and discernment.

6)      The boys will be on best behavior this week.

7)      That I will be patient with the boys!!

8)      Finances and insurance things will work out smoothly. HE is out great provider!!

9)      We will continue to be focused on His kingdom being His ambassadors. Devine Appointments!!

10)   That we would suffer well with grace. We are scared because we are flesh and bone, made of dust. We need courage from God. 

God is on His throne and cancer is under His feet!! -The Winks